The Beauty Pageant

Once upon a time, Li'l Miggle wanted to enter into the local beauty pageant. Momma Cat said, "Mm, okay," so Li'l Miggle signed up. Of course, that meant that Pirate Bun had to join too. And Li'l Tiggle didn't want to be left out, so he signed up too.

The first competition was a formal-wear contest. Li'l Miggle dressed up in a tasteful black evening gown. The judges murmured, "Hmm," and scribbled down their notes. Pirate Bun wore a revealing cocktail dress, and the judges all whispered, "Escandalo!" and scratched in their notes. Li'l Tiggle walked down the stage in a full tux, complete with tails, and the judges all remarked, "What a dashing young cat!" and took copious notes.

The second competition was a question-answer session. The judges asked Li'l Miggle, "If you could give everyone one thing to promote world peace, what would it be?" Li'l Miggle thought long and hard, and answered, "Tuna for everyone!" The judges said, "Hmm," and wrote down their notes. Then they asked Pirate Bun, "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" Pirate Bun answered boldly, "Yarr, I would be a pirate and sail upon the seas!" The judges exclaimed, "Oh my," and wrote down their notes. Then they asked Li'l Tiggle, "If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?" Li'l Tiggle scratched his head and thought, then replied, "I would win this beauty pageant!" And the judges all said, "Aww," and wrote down their notes.

The final competition was a swim-suit contest. Li'l Miggle strolled onto the stage in a sleek one-piece, and the judges nodded and took notes. Pirate Bun sauntered out in a sexy two-piece, and the judges gasped and took notes. Li'l Tiggle missed the memo and misunderstood the contest, so he came out dripping wet in a tiny speedo, so that you could see all his curves and musculature, and the judges exclaimed, "What a well-formed cat!" and took notes.

In the end, the judges announced, "Due to the irregularity of this year's competition, we have decided to make a new category! The runner-up for the Queen's Category is Pirate Bun! And the title of Queen of the Year goes to Li'l Miggle! And finally, for our newest category, the title of King of the Year goes to Li'l Tiggle! Congratulations!"

And they all lived happily ever after, once Li'l Tiggle finally got dry again.

Motorboat Mig

Once upon a time, Motorboat Mig was sailing down the great Mississippi. She came to dock at a small port along the river to take on supplies, and was immediately accosted by Pirate Bun!

"Motorboat Mig!" cried Pirate Bun, "I challenge you to a duel! We'll see if you have the right to boat on the Mississippi!"

"All right," meowed Mig, "I accept. For the challenge, I choose ... purring!"

"A purring duel, eh?" Pirate Bun shook herself, hunkered down, and started things off with a low, steady rumble.

"Well now," Mig said, preening, "you know they don't call me Motorboat for nothing." So saying the little cat cut loose with the deepest, loudest, rumbliest purr you've ever heard! It was such a powerful purr that it bowled Bun right over, tumbling her tail over whiskers down the docks.

But Pirate Bun recovered from the blast, shook herself again, dug in, and purred hard. They were evenly matched, and neither would give way. The two little cats hunkered on that dock for three days and three nights, purring as hard as they could, but neither would budge an inch!

Finally, Mig said, "You're pretty good there, pussy cat! Let's stop this -- on the count of three." So they counted, one, two, three! And they both stopped purring, and looked at each other.

"Well, I guess you deserve to boat on the Mississippi," Pirate Bun conceded.

"You're not half bad yourself," replied Motorboat Mig.

And they all boated happily ever after.